Tuesday, Nov. 22, 2005 - 2:36 p.m.

Christmas day will mark the first anniversary since Bill died. I have mixed feelings about the upcoming holidays and wonder how I will get through. I think like a lot of people I would like to just pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed until January 2nd. However, I will not do that but will allow myself during this time of joy to have time to grieve the passing of the love of my life.

His illness and death have changed everything. Have changed me. I'm learning how to develop coping skills to go on without him in this physical world.

I'm making plans of how to get through the holidays. So far I have volunteered to help at a food bank. To work at a place where there are lights and music on the day of our anniversary. Bill loved the holiday lights and the music of the season so I will be doing that in his memory. Also I have emailed a radio station that we used to listen to together and requested a song be played in his memory. I knew there was no way that I could call in a request.

I never would want Bill to be back suffering like he was but I do miss him. I miss him most of all at this time of year.

The holidays will be a bittersweet time of the year for me but I hope that I will allow myself to be open to the unexpected joyous moments.

Merry Christmas, Bill! I'm still your Christmas bride.

previous - next

Living In The Moment - Tuesday, Apr. 17, 2007
Another New Year - Wednesday, Jan. 17, 2007
Show Must Go On - Saturday, Sept. 02, 2006
To Love Again - Friday, Apr. 28, 2006
Making Valentines - Friday, Feb. 10, 2006

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